Can I just break down and cry...

...now that everyone is fast asleep in bed?

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I woke up at 5:30 am to Jed screaming, "Moooommmm!" He sometimes wakes up an whimpers during the night...but he never calls for me. So I got up and headed into his room. My poor boy was having a real hard time breathing. He sounded like a panting dog. Me, figuring he was just congested took him into the bathroom, turned on the shower and closed the door. We sat in the steam for about 15mins. It didn't help.... I took him downstairs, turned on treehouse and called the after hours clinic to see if the nurse thought I should bring him in. After listening to him over the phone, she told me to bring him to the ER immediately. The tone of her voice scared me a bit, so I was packing up to go- when Jed threw up. That wouldn't normally be a good thing...but right after he fell asleep and his breathing sounded better. In the meantime, Charity is puking her bowl of cereal all over the kitchen floor....and I decide not to bother taking in Jed yet.... which lasted about a whole 10 minutes before he woke up even worse. Unable to catch his breath. The girls were all sitting here crying for him (I wanted to cry too!) and Eve was yelling for me to "just take him to the doctors!" I called Scott at school and told him to pick up a bottle and some goat's milk (for Ella) and get home.

I got to the ER with Jed, and the nurse-as soon as she heard him- sent us right in to the exam room. Jed's oxygen was at 91. They got him on a ventilator right away, and the respiratory therapist explained that had it gone below 90 he would have probably passed out (he was extremely close to that point) and that he wouldn't be going home until it was consistently over 95. So I held him, kicking and screaming, for half an hour all while trying to keep a mask on his face. I never realized how strong he is.... I wanted to cry so bad. He's yelling at me, "No! No! Hurt! Hurt!" and there was nothing I could do but pin him down and try to talk to him over his screaming. This is not at all like Jed... The second treatment they had to do with the mask (because his oxygen level wasn't coming up) wasn't going to be pretty. I asked the Dr to leave and tried to calm Jed down and explain it to him before we started. He actually sat still for me this time and fell asleep.

He had to get chest xrays...and after 3 treatments he was up to 98. At this point he got a sudden burst of energy. Now I know that it's because the steroids they gave him to open his lungs wreak havoc on the nervous system. ("a watered down version of the drug they give people to restart their hearts")

Did I mention that every time I called Scott to update him I could hear Ella screaming in the background because she refused to take the bottle? Oh, and Scott missed school and was already late for work... ah yes, and Charity still wasn't able to eat...

So, then we sat and waited 3 hours for the pediatrician to give us the go-ahead to go home.... with a croup diagnosis, 2 inhalers, and some steroid medication. My baby has never been on antibiotics... he hasn't even been to the Dr's since he was 3 weeks old! Don't get me wrong... I'm thankful for my kids' health, and I will never forget the faces of the parents I saw while spending time at Sick Kids.... I just felt so unbelievably helpless today.

I came home and Ella was smiling at me, my poor sweet Charity was still in the same spot I left her, and Jed began wheezing again. After having his inhalers he is in bed asleep. Elijah was so concerned for his little brother. He came down to tell me "he heard a weird sound coming from Jed".... thankfully, it was just his stuffed up nose.

I don't know what we would have done today without our Moms who came over to help...thank you both.

Now everyone is sleeping...and I'm sitting here finally able to cry... and at the same time- praise the Lord that this is all I have to cry over.

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Please keep Jed in your prayers... if it doesn't resolve he'll have to go back to the hospital and be admitted on Thursday.