Bitter

 

 

(Jed walked by when his sister was playing Wii…)

It hurt.

A priceless treasure is taken. That which was most to you, now is gone forever. There is no recompense. There is no filling this void. There is no thing on the earth as precious to you as that, which was taken. Loss has gripped and wrung your heart dry of tears. Stripped of strength, the hurt swells until it cannot be contained. 'Why' can never be answered. And as you shrink down against the wall again to place your head in your hands and weep, your sorrow ferments to anger, and your frustration to blame. Tears become a scowl, and the ache of pain, raised to a flex of furry. Your heart's law demands repayment, as you gaze up at your imagined justice. You shall have it at any cost. Bitterness has gripped your heart.

It hurt.

Slowly the knife of betrayal sunk beneath the shell until it cut to the heart. Shocked by the pain, trembling at the thought, your wound is felt all the more as you realize the one who holds the knife that pierced your soul was the one that you had loved and trusted most of all. Betrayal's vial is poured down from the hands of one beloved, and it has stained your innocence a blood red. Fear overtakes your thoughts of all those you love and trust; for they may be next to pounce. Exhaustingly you gaze in terror of those all about you, closest to your life, for fear that they may have cloaked the next dagger. Trust seems folly, memories of rest in another's arms become foreign and suppressed. Bitterness has gripped your heart.

It hurt.

He was supposed to be the hero. He was the one to look up to. He was the one we could copy, could trust, and could hope in. He was the one that would lead us well and would be spent for our good. It hurt when he failed.

We had climbed in, and lay back, and breathed a sigh of relief, with all our weight down and settled. He was our hammock, and for a short while we rested in him as we basked in the sun in comfort. But he tore. But he dropped us like we were nothing. No longer was I welcomed to bask in comfort within his trust. No longer would I choose to, for fear that I may be bruised again. Never again will I put my weight down like I had before in that man, or in any other, because it hurt so much when I did. Yet I must rest somewhere.

Many weary ones wander life without comfort and rest in the glowing blessings that come with trusting fully. Never resting their soul and never able to trust, not even God, because long ago someone was given the keys to our heart, and sold us out. Bitterness has gripped our hearts.

It hurt.

The agitation, the frustration, poking, and the constant prodding hurt inside. You've had enough, and you can't take it anymore, again and again. You can't believe anyone could ever be so cruel and say such things. Doesn't he feel? Doesn't he know the cringe he causes or the aftertaste of his folly? I refuse to take it anymore, and I will not forgive it again. Bitterness has gripped my heart.

Does the soul bleed? Can it be wounded or sick or poisoned? Can it be cured or mended? Can a person's soul be beaten near death, and yet their outside remain a false face of contentment?

We've all be hurt and gone on wounded inside while nobody would guess from the outside. Everyone gets hurt, but not everyone gets bitter.

Drop an apple on the floor, and you will damage it. Leave it a while and find a bruise beneath the damage. But leave it too long, and the bitterness of the wound will destroy the whole of the fruit. Now place that rotten bitter apple in the basket with others and you will reap the benefits of bitterness. In the end, many will be ruined by that one bitter fruit.

Is that you? Do you bleed out destruction from an old wound you didn't ask for, and cannot fix? People differ from the old bruised apple in that we can heal. We are like prisoners that hold the keys to our own cell, and release papers signed and ready. We are our own wardens. We take bruise to bitter, and damage to destruction when we proclaim ourselves in the place of God, able to condemn and never to forgive the one who hurt us. Aren't you glad He doesn't hold you to your standard? Aren't you glad He doesn't ask you to pay for the wounds you gave Him? If He were as swift to judgment as you, none would yet stand to be judged.

Has bitterness gripped your heart like the boa his prey? You need simply forgive, fully and totally, and you shall be rid of your bitter prison. Pour humility upon the wound and you will find it heals quite well, but douse the flames of bitterness in the fuel of pride and you will burn yourself to the ground. Just let it go, and free yourself from the grip of bitterness upon your heart.

 

“Follow peace with all men, and holiness, without which no man shall see the Lord: Looking diligently lest any man fail of the grace of God; lest any root of bitterness springing up trouble you, and thereby many be defiled;” – Heb 12:14-15

 

(Prayer... Nuff said.)

Wordless Wednesday: 19 weeks

(baby hand!)

Weekend in Wasaga

 

We left early last Friday morning and headed to Wasaga Beach for the Wolfrey’s family reunion. The last one, was almost 11 years ago- Keona was just a few weeks old at the time! Our family may have grown just a bit since then… ;)

We stopped and did some shopping on the way out. Snacks at Walmart, sandals at Reebok… Mostly, because our 3 year old thought that it was OK to wear these…

Yep, two different flip flops. We didn’t notice until we were 2 hours away from home. We’ve since learned that she lost the other shoe for BOTH pairs! How does that happen??

We drove around Scott’s old neighbourhood and played at the park by our hotel for a bit, then we decided to head up to the beach. It was Friday afternoon, 29 degrees, and threatening rain- the beach by Scott’s uncle’s house, was EMPTY! It was so nice to just sit back, relax, and enjoy an empty beach for a while with our family.

 

I sat back on my blanket and enjoyed the view, while the kids built sand castles and played in the water.

We went out for dinner with Scott’s family that night, took the kiddos swimming at the hotel until 10:30 at night… and then slept!

Saturday, was the reunion at Steve and Sarah’s house and it was gorgeous! Talk about a dream backyard. I wish I had taken some pictures of it. Jeddy loved it because there was a pond- and where there’s a pond… there are usually toads! He found a little toad by the pond, and Aunt Sarah suggested he throw it in the water instead of carrying it around and scaring all the aunts! As soon as he threw it in the water, a big fish came up and ate it! My poor little toad-whisperer, was devastated… Thankfully, his sisters distracted him by finding another one!

Totally off topic, but funny nonetheless- at the hotel on Friday, Jeddy says, “Mom, I think I’m going to like the baby in your tummy.”

I said, “Of course you will! You’ll LOVE the baby. You guys will be friends.”

To which he replies, “ I don’t think so. I’m only friends with people who look good. And like, have good hairdos…”

After I stopped laughing, I explained to him that we love everyone and that we don’t choose our friends because of how they look…

No clue where he got that idea!

Apparently, Elijah “looks good enough” to be his friend…

The kids had a great time playing with their cousins all day- Keona got to play chess, Charity got to play Scrabble, Scott and I got to chat with his cousins and relax while the kids entertained eachother, the food was great, the beach was all family, it was an amazing day!

Big thanks to Uncle Steve and Aunt Sarah for hosting all of us!

Along with everyone else who put so much work and planning into it. Our family had a blast!

We ended the day by watching a gorgeous sunset on the beach.

After I took this picture, Ella said, “Let me see!”

She looked at the screen, and exclaimed, “Perfect!”

I think she may have some self-esteem issues…

What Summer Break is Made Of…

What a fun day!

We spent several hours out in the sun, at a park/splash pad with friends today. Enough hours, that even I have a bit of a sunburn! My friend and I got to sit and chat while the kiddos ran around, made up games, sang crazy songs, imitated favourite movies, and made new friends… Jeddy, seems to like making new friends. More specifically, friends that just so happen to be girls. He pushed “Emma” on the swing until her mom said it was time to leave. Then, not 5 minutes later, he was chasing “Charlotte” around the park. All I heard about for the rest of the night, was how much fun he had with Emma and Charlotte… Ha!

Prayer and Charity, spent most of their time on the swings with their best bud, singing crazy songs.

A couple of pictures from the triplet’s 9th birthday…

I made them guess who’s present was who’s- they gave me a really strange look… ha!

I wonder why??? ;)

Purses, full of treats!

 

Elijah, spent the day with his best buddy. They made up games and had the other boys in the park wanting to join in.

My man and “little man” last weekend…

Keona, Somiya, and Eve climbed on top of the monkey bars, and made up “SPY” games- when they weren’t carrying Ella around. Funny how Eve always plays with the older girls. Also funny- Keona lets her…

I realized how much of a help my older girls are during VBS week, when I took Jeddy and Ella to a busy park without them… Yikes! The girls are so good at taking turns playing with Ella and keeping an eye on her. When they’re with us, I never worry about where Ella is. I was drained after chasing those two around for an hour! Oh, to have the energy of a 9 year old again…

 

Speaking of Ella- tonight, she had on a dress and I told her that Keona use to wear it all the time. Her response, “Yeah, when Keona was me, her use to fit in this dress!”

Hmmm…

 

Off to the beach with my kiddos and hubby tomorrow- looking forward to it! :)

Wordless Wednesday: 16 weeks

June Update

What happened in June?

Hmm… Well, I spent most of the month feeling pretty sick and dealing with an extremely low haemoglobin. So…  not all that much! I mean, we still did stuff.

Keona, was up for a major change. She decided to donate her ponytail to a foundation similar to Locks of Love. I was going to cut her hair myself- but I chickened out! So off to the salon we went! :)

BEFORE:

 

AFTER:

The ponytail…

All 11 inches of it!

It took me a while to get over how much older she looked! She loves her new style!

Keona also had her piano recital in June!

She did an excellent job. Months of listening to her practice “Jesus Loves Even Me” paid off! Though the next day when she sat down at the piano and started playing it- I insisted on any song but that… She understood! ha..

Not only are we losing our violin teacher next year- but Keona’s piano teacher will also be leaving! The Leveille family will be starting deputation as missionaries to Quebec. We’ll miss her for sure!

We went to parks, and water parks…

We went to Wonderland with some friends and my siblings! This year, the girls rode almost everything! Keona, went on Behemoth, and the new ride “Windseeker!” Windseeker goes up 301 feet into the air and spins around giving you an amazing view. Elijah, was a little nervous about his sister going on it- so you can imagine how upset he got when the ride got stuck halfway down and 20 mechanics showed up to try and fix it. “I told you she shouldn’t have gone on that ride!!!” Anyhow, they got down eventually, and even got a free line bypass onto any ride because of the inconvenience! While they all went on a water ride, Jeddy, Ella, and I ate cotton candy. :)

We tricked Jeddy and Ella into standing on the bridge where you get soaked by the log ride- Jeddy cried. Ella thought it was hilarious. Poor Jeddy… The very first ride we got to was a roller coaster and he pointed to it saying, “I want to go on the plane ride!” OK… so into the line up with my sister he went. It wasn’t until they were almost on the ride, that I noticed the little kiddie plane ride he was talking about behind the roller coaster! Oops… He survived- but it was the only big ride he went on!

OH! I can’t believe that I almost forgot to mention how our day at Wonderland all began! We were all rushing to the entrance gate to get in before the lines got too long and Eve was piggy backing Ella like she always does. They were walking about 5 feet in front of me when I saw Eve trip, and they both began to fall forward. It was seriously like watching it in slow motion. There was nothing I could do, and I had visions of Eve putting her hands out to catch herself and Ella going flying over Eve’s head… But that’s not how it happened. Instead, Eve didn’t put her hands out. She kept her arms tightly wrapped around her sister’s legs so as not to let her fall! Eve caught the entire impact of the fall, on her forehead. Ella rolled off her back without a scratch, and as I ran over, Eve screamed and started to lift her head- that’s when I saw a toonie-sized chunk of skin stuck to the pavement and the long hair, which was still attached, blowing in the wind… It was nasty. She’s wearing a hat in the picture, so you can’t see the gauze, but our very first stop of the day, was first aid.

Ella, owes her one. Big time…

 

Camera phone pic at the end of a very long day!

 

Oh, and Elijah still screamed, “I’m dying!!!” in complete horror as he went down Timberwolf falls…

 

That’s about it for June. Don’t worry- I plan to share about my two cats getting locked in an end table, (any guesses on who did it?) and our “Day Like No Other” later on this week.

Stay tuned…

Little Secrets

I have wanted to blog for the past two weeks. But honestly, the task of catching up on everything that I skipped in June- was a little daunting. So, just to get me back in the swing of things, I’m starting with now. :) I will probably do a very random “June” post, with a few very random photos soon- but here’s where we are now…

Yep, we are expecting!

I am currently 16 weeks, no longer feeling nauseas 24/7, just felt my baby move for the first time, and couldn’t be more excited!!!

The kids are thrilled. All of the girls immediately started placing dibs on the baby’s gender when we told them.

Elijah’s first reaction was, “I’m afraid the same thing that happened to your last baby will happen to this one too…”

Jeddy, wanted to know if we could have “a new baby AND a new bird”…

And Ella… well, we told Jeddy and Ella when I was 12 weeks along, but we were still planning to keep it a secret from everyone except immediate family. We asked Ella if she could keep a BIG secret!

Her answer: No. I can’t keep big secrets. They too heavy. I can only hold little secrets, cause I still small.

We told her anyways… ;)

She has also informed me, that she will let me hold the baby.

So what now?

Well, we have VBS this week. Today, I made the mistake of bringing Jeddy and Ella to the busiest park that I’ve ever seen, while the older kids were at VBS. Tomorrow, we’re coming home! We still have lots of fun events planned this summer. I have photo shoots and a few weddings booked that I’ll be shooting, big belly and all! Back to school in September (which reminds me that I have to order next year’s curriculum!) and then Lord-willing, before Christmas, we will have a baby!