September Tears

It was September of 2003, and I rushed down the stairs at 6 months pregnant ready to run out the door. As I came around the corner into our living room I saw my husband hang up the phone. Before I could ask who it was, or what was wrong, he was walking towards me. I knew from the look on his face, but he hugged me and quietly told me that my grandma had passed away. My aunt was on her way over to pick me up so that we could go see my grandma at the hospital because the doctors had called to say that she didn't have much time left. I have always regretted not going down to see her the night before. The last time that I saw my Grandma before she started having memory problems, I was in trouble. I had snuck out with my boyfriend (who is now my husband) and spent the day in Toronto, without anyone knowing where we were. We walked back to my grandparents’ house to face our parents together and my Grandma met me outside on the sidewalk. She hugged me and said, “Jackie, just tell the truth. Be honest and you’ll be OK.” I kinda of shrugged it off at the time, but that was the last piece of advice she ever gave me. It has been 10 years now and I still miss her.

When her memory had started to fade she would often repeat herself. She would look at me and say, “Jackie, I love you.” I would smile and say, “I love you too, Grandma.” She’d smile even bigger and say, “I really, really love you!” She loved when we’d dance around with her or give her head massages, and she loved her great-grandkids. She became child-like in her last few years and I adored watching her play with Keona. She would let Keona do her hair and play dress up. The triplets were just babies, but she loved to cuddle and kiss them like they were her very own dolls. It makes me sad to think that my kids don’t remember her, but I find myself repeating her words to them. Every time I confront one of my children about something, I hear her voice and I remind them to just tell the truth. It’s no wonder that God wants us to “hide His word in our hearts.”

Tonight has been emotional. I’ll be honest- I am usually completely fine to talk about my dad, but tonight upset me. Ella was sitting at the kitchen table with my mom and I, and she asked, “Who’s your dad, Mom?” and I felt ashamed. I reminded her that my dad died when I was a little girl and she remembered with an, “Oh yeah!”

But it made me think… Maybe I don’t talk about him enough. Maybe I should put up some pictures so that my kids remember who their grandpa is. Maybe selfishly, without even realizing it, I’ve kept his memory to myself…

It has been 25 years since my dad passed away and I cried tonight. My kids like to ask me to tell them stories. Stories about when they were babies, stories about when I was a kid, stories that great-grandpa told me about when he was a kid… I tell them that they’ve heard ALL of my stories and I can’t think of anymore and they say, “Tell them again!” I have a limited number of stories that I remember about my dad, and honestly they aren’t my favourite to tell because they always make me wish that there were more. But I think I’ll tell them anyways. I think I’ll frame a few of my favourite pictures of my dad and hang them throughout the house. I think that I’ll bring my kids to see my Grandma and ask her to tell them some stories about my Dad until they feel like they know him a bit.

One of my favourite songs that I’ve quoted on here before, goes like this:

God's been good in my life
I feel blessed beyond my wildest dreams when I go to sleep each night
And though I've had my share of hard times, I wouldn't change them if I could
'Cause through it all, God's been good

But I always had a hard time with that one phrase, “I wouldn’t change them if I could”-

Because if I’m being honest, there are a lot of things that I would change if I could… but I recently bought a CD of six sisters who had just lost their mother to cancer singing together. The very first song on the CD was “God’s Been Good” and when it came to that line they sang,

And though I’ve had my share of hard times, by my side He always stood

'Cause through it all, God's been good

 

And I thought, YES.

That I can sing and mean. That is my song, too.

I am so thankful for a God who has a plan for me. For a Father who has always been by my side. My kids know all about Him.

I’ll be working on them getting to know their grandpa better…

 

 

 

 

 

 

P.S. Light-hearted first day of school post coming up! :)

and she went on…

Jeddy, asked to do school work today.

That was new.

He also made my bed for me while I was downstairs.

(Not that I ever go downstairs without making my bed…)

Elijah, is almost done his first Hardy Boys book.

I found him lying on the floor of his room reading it before bedtime.

I was able to buy about 20 of them for 99 cents each at Christmas time.

Keona helped me cook dinner tonight.

She is capable of so much more than I give her credit for.

Prayer, decided that she was going to be Jeddy’s “buddy” today.

She dressed in a khaki jumper- he dressed in khaki overalls.

They both wore green shirts and called themselves “twins.”

Eve’s violin was out of tune. Again.

I stink at tuning violins.

Charity spent a long time practicing a song on the piano today.

She told me that she thought it was too hard for her.

She thought for a few seconds and then said,

“But I thought that the Christmas song you gave me was too hard at first too, and I learned that one. I guess you wouldn’t give me a song that you knew I couldn’t learn to play…”

And she went on practicing.

 

I made a mental note of that statement.

 

Isn’t that exactly what God expects from me?

 

“Lord, I thought that what you trusted me with- was too much. Too much to handle. But I guess you wouldn’t give me a song that you knew I couldn’t learn to play…”

 

And she went on practicing…

Luke 12:7…

Happy 10th Anniversary

   

Today, I have been married to my best friend for 10 years.

 

When I was a kid, one of my chores was to water my mom’s plants. I named my favourite one ‘Scott.’

In the game “Dream Phone” I always hoped that it was ‘Scott’ who “had a crush on me!”

 

When we started to become goods friends, I prayed that I would have a husband ‘like’ Scott one day.

We didn’t start things out right, but when we turned to God for help- He was there. Waiting…

 

We are both incredibly opinionated. And stubborn determined.

I’m thankful that as teenagers, we learned that love is not a feeling.

I’m thankful that we are both able to say “I’m sorry” and know that we’ll be forgiven.

 

I’m thankful that we both know the love of God.

Truly, all the glory goes to Him for anything that we’ve been able to accomplish over the last 10 years.

Without Him, we’d both be a wreck.

 

Today, I’m just incredibly thankful for the last 10 years that God has given us-

and I’m excited to see what He has planned for the next ten.

 

I love being the girl on your arm.

 

Happy Anniversary Scott.

 

“That he would grant you, according to the riches of his glory, to be strengthened with might by his Spirit in the inner man; That Christ may dwell in your hearts by faith; that ye, being rooted and grounded in love, May be able to comprehend with all saints what is the breadth, and length, and depth, and height;  And to know the love of Christ, which passeth knowledge, that ye might be filled with all the fulness of God. Now unto him that is able to do exceeding abundantly above all that we ask or think, according to the power that worketh in us, Unto him be glory in the church by Christ Jesus throughout all ages, world without end. Amen.”

Ephesians 3:16-21

Answered Prayers…

God is so good to us! Sometimes, when everything isn’t going exactly as planned, it takes a little something to remind me of that.

My heavenly Father, has come through for me EVERY time. Though, it may not always seem like that, at the time…

Recently, a week ago to be exact, I saw a prayer answered that I had specifically prayed for 2 years ago! I had forgotten that I had even prayed for it! But it was so specific, that it could only have been God Himself arranging things.

Kinda like my triplets… Most of you reading this probably already know this- but I prayed for triplets! Yes, maybe I am crazy… But when Scott and I were planning to have a second baby, I asked the Lord for “twins, or even triplets!” More specifically, I prayed for identical girls. (Hence the name, “Prayer”)

From the time that we found out I was pregnant, we joked about it being “twins.” We would always refer to “them.” Though, at that point, I don’t even think that Scott knew I had prayed for them! He just saw that I was growing abnormally fast. :)

Around 12 weeks into the pregnancy, I was having some cramping and spotting, and they sent me in for an ultrasound. I remember the technician saying, “You knew you were pregnant, RIGHT?” But she wasn’t allowed to say anything else.

After the ultrasound was finished, (keep in mind, I was at the hospital alone!) they sent me into this little office, with a couch and a box of kleenex on the table. I could hear the nurses outside the closed door, saying, “Who’s going to tell her!?”

I thought that for sure there was something wrong.

I figured that I had lost the baby babies, fear set in, and immediately I started praying that God would give me strength for whatever news I was about to hear. The Dr. walked in, eyes on my file, he glanced at me over his glasses (just like they do on TV!) and he handed me a piece of paper. “Here, see for yourself…” he said. My heart was racing, and my eyes panned that paper so fast! Then I saw, right at the bottom…

“Live 11.3 week old triplets”

What!!??

He must have thought I was insane! An 18 year old grinning from ear to ear, when she found out that she was having, not one, not two, but THREE babies! I immediately called Scott and told him the news, he was shouting on the phone he was so excited! I asked him not to tell anyone yet, just in case. Well, everyone in his workplace knew before he came home that night!

Not only was everything OK with my pregnancy, one of the top OBGYN’s in Toronto told me that he had never seen such an “uneventful” and healthy triplet pregnancy!

Delight thyself also in the LORD; and he shall give thee the desires of thine heart. Commit thy way unto the LORD; trust also in Him; and He shall bring it to pass.
-Psalms 37:4-5

...and will yet praise Thee more and more...

Last week, our Pastor went home to be with the Lord.

I honestly, just haven't really been up to blogging since then.

We loved our Pastor, we love his family, we love our church, and we love our God;

who is always good.

When we joined this church, I never thought that I would feel "at home" here. I was wrong. We were immediately reminded of the many reasons we serve our Saviour. Our Pastor, through God's word, challenged us to "Make a difference."

He certainly made a difference in our life, and in the direction our children's lives will go.

Once again, we are reminded why we do what we do.

We are saddened and confused, yet challenged and hopeful.

And we know that all things work together for good to them that love God, to them who are the called according to his purpose.
-Romans 8:28

I've been clinging to these verses...


Blessed be God, even the Father of our Lord Jesus Christ, the Father of mercies, and the God of all comfort; Who comforteth us in all our tribulation, that we may be able to comfort them which are in any trouble, by the comfort wherewith we ourselves are comforted of God.
-II Corinthians 1:3-4

And this one, that my friend sent me last night-

But I will hope continually, and will yet praise thee more and more.
-Psalm 71:14


Please join us in prayer for our church, as well as our Pastor's family.

As a neat little side note.... a good friend of mine was away at a church camp in Nebraska last week. On Wednesday, the visiting preacher got word of our Pastor's passing. He didn't mention any names- just asked my friend's church to pray for "this church and the Pastor's family." When I spoke to my friend last night, and asked her to pray for our church, she put two and two together and realized that she had been praying for us all week -without even knowing that it was our church.

God is good.

I'll end with the lyrics to the song that his daughters sang at his funeral.

Their faith and strength during this time is inspiring...
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God's Been Good

Lately I've been looking back along this winding road
To the old familiar markers of the mercies I have known
I know it may sound simple, but it's more than a cliche
There's no better way to tell you than to say:

God's been good in my life
I feel blessed beyond my wildest dreams
When I go to sleep each night
And though I've had my share of hard times,
I wouldn't change them if I could
'Cause through it all, God's been good.

Times replay, and I can see that I've cried some bitter tears
But I've felt His arms around me as I've faced my greatest fears
You see, I've had more gains than losses, and I've known more joy than hurt
As His grace rolled down upon me undeserved.

God's been good in my life
I feel blessed beyond my wildest dreams
When I go to sleep each night
And though I've had my share of hard times,
I wouldn't change them if I could
'Cause through it all, God's been good.

For God has been my Father, my Savior, and my Friend
His love was my beginning and His love will be my end.
I could spend forever trying to tell you everything He is,
But the best way I can say it is this:

God's been good in my life
I feel blessed beyond my wildest dreams
When I go to sleep each night
And though I've had my share of hard times,
I wouldn't change them if I could
'Cause through it all, God's been good.
_______________________________________________________

*I feel almost guilty for blogging, and yet guilty for not blogging. (As my kids keep asking me when I'm going to blog about their birthdays that just passed...) So I plan to get back to a normal blogging schedule now... hopefully.

To Every Thing There Is a Season

This is going to be one of those posts where I'm thinking out loud. It will probably have nothing to do with the kids... so feel free to skip it.

I just find it therapeutic to get my thoughts out.
______________________________________________


Arabella is officially weaned.

It has been three days now, and we are at the point of no return. Call me crazy (as most people will) but I had a seriously hard time with this. Saturday night when I went to bed, I sat there and cried because I was weaning my baby.

The ladies' retreat this year was all about "Celebrating Change"- the key scripture being Ecclesiastes chapter 3. Lessons were taught about different seasons of life, and I was sitting there thinking, "I love the season I'm enjoying right now. I'm comfortable."

Conveniently, now I'm moving on to a different season. While it can be exciting; the changes that will take place, the new opportunities and experiences it will bring... it is also incredibly intimidating.

What if I don't like the new? I've been enjoying this season... I don't know if I'm ready to move on to the next one...

I realize that this "change" may seem insignificant to some, and reality is, the seasons will change; like it or not...

So here I stand, not quite ready, but working on it, and trusting God...

I've spent alot of time praying, and seeking God's will the last few weeks about what's next. I've handed it over to Him, and I'm just waiting to see what He has planned. I'm "Standing Still."

I know that He is able to do "exceeding abundantly above all the we ask or think," so I'm resting on that.

And while I think about how good God has been to us in the past, and how this season was so much better than I ever hoped or imagined, I can't help but look forward to what He has in store for our future.
______________________________________________

To every thing there is a season, and a time to every purpose under the heaven:

A time to be born, and a time to die;

a time to plant, and a time to pluck up that which is planted;

A time to kill, and a time to heal;

a time to break down, and a time to build up;

A time to weep, and a time to laugh;

a time to mourn, and a time to dance;

A time to cast away stones, and a time to gather stones together;

a time to embrace, and a time to refrain from embracing;

A time to get, and a time to lose;

a time to keep, and a time to cast away;

A time to rend, and a time to sew;

a time to keep silence, and a time to speak;

A time to love, and a time to hate;

a time of war, and a time of peace.

What profit hath he that worketh in that wherein he laboureth?

I have seen the travail, which God hath given to the sons of men to be exercised in it.

He hath made every thing beautiful in his time:
also he hath set the world in their heart, so that no man can find out the work that God maketh from the beginning to the end.

-Ecclesiastes 3:1-11